You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
