You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
