She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
