you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
