I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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