:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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