I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
do nipples grow back?
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