she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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