his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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