I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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