So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
