jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
