Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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