you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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