Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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