Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
