i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
