I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
