Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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