Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
