I like my sex mixed with concussions.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
