I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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