New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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