We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
