Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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