wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
