I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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