Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
