They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
