I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
