I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
