you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
