Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
