His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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