Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize