you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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