What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize