How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize