Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
