Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
