I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have post one night stand depression
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
