You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
