tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
