Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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