Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
