can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
