Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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