I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
