Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
