It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
