She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
