But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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