I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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