Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
