Im at strip club and am horny
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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