There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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