he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So much Jack, so little girl.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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