3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize