How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am available for nakedness
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize