i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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